How to Annoy the Akatsuki in 31 Ways!
by Mekia
Summary: It's just as the title says; I hope you enjoy! xD I've still got Itachi and new members should be posted hopefully soon. I've decided to add more than just Itachi, so have fun! ;
1. Itachi Uchiha

_Authors Note: First of all I do Not own Naruto or anything related to the anime (I wish I did though...T_T)! Second of all: don't get upset if you love Itachi (he is also one of my favorite characters) and find some things that might make him squirm if this were to really happen; the title clearly states what this is about. For those of you who are not insane about the Uchiha man I hope you enjoy this and get some laughs- I know I did! xD Also, number 25 is not my idea; I found it while taking a quiz on so do NOT sue me!_

How to Annoy Itachi Uchiha in 31 Ways!

1. Send cute baby pictures of him to all male members of Akatsuki

2. Ask Orochimaru to explain in detail the birds and the bees to him

3. Call him "Weasel-chan" every time Kisame says his name

4. Put a plushy of one of his enemies in his bed

5. Bring an Itachi plushy with you and pretend that it's a Voodoo doll

6. Declare his Sponge Bob underwear as yours in front of everyone

7. Wear a Marx (fake eyeglasses, nose and mustache mask) disguise around him when he goes on missions and pretend that he can't see you making funny faces at him

8. Challenge him to "Mind Games"

9. Take all of his toilet paper and leave pads/ tampons in its place

10. Tape the most boring show known to man, label it "Scandalously," and leave it on his bed

11. Stare into his eyes and yell "Staring Contest" in his ear

12. Send him a boy on boy fan fiction (someone he actually doesn't hate would be perferrable) for his birthday

13. Laugh for thirty seconds every time he glares at you

14. Super glue a homing device to him and give the radar to fan-girls after charging them admission for the newest and only "Grab and Keep Itachi Game"

15. Tackle-glomp him whenever you get the chance

16. Put stuff in front of his bedroom door or lay traps for him and record every attempt. If he falls for a trap play it for his Akatsuki "friends"

17. Declare yourself an Uchiha and demand that he give you his eyes because you can't master your "Sharigan" eyes

18. Put a hat with a propeller on it on the top on his head and get a picture

19. Make him play Dance Dance Revolution on expert and on speed eight; say that his male ego depends on it

20. Pet his head and talk to him like a child

21. Glue racy pictures of Jiraiya on all his bedroom walls

22. Record the Gummy Bear song and play it whenever he enters the room

23. Nickname him "Pink-eye" or "Pinky-puff"

24. Copy this list and give it to Deidara

25. Send Kisame a DVD of Finding Nemo and label it "From Itachi"

26. Put fake Styrofoam dango balls in his ramen

27. Prance around in an Orochimaru costume

28. Replace his shampoo with lime green (or other bright and clashing) hair dye

29. Give him a hug, apologize for all your pranks, and put a "Squeeze My Butt" sign on his back

30. Get someone to knock him out and dress him in a chipmunk or other cute animal costume

31. Take all of his clothes and sell them to his fans and don't give him the money


	2. Kisame Hoshigaki

_Note: After some wonderful reviews I've decided to add more to this. I would like to thank everyone who reviewed; I'm really glad you were able to get a laugh too. Just so everyone knows I will try to update when I can so please be patient. Also if there is someone that you want me to write about or if you have any ideas please inform me of what you think. Thank you for your time and I hope you enjoy..._

How to Annoy Kisame Hoshigaki in 31 Ways

1. Ask him is he was in a horrible paint accident

2. Take his Samehada and replace it with a whiffle-ball bat when he's getting ready to enter a dangerous fight

3. Tell him that his skin clashes horribly with his hair and if he asks "How" take a electric razor and give him a Mohawk. Then sigh in relief and exclaim to everyone "It's okay people- his manliness is not in danger anymore!"

4. Explain to him like a child that fish are food and NOT friends

5. Take him to a restaurant for 'All of his hard work' and try to sell him (make sure it's a place that cooks shark)

6. Play the Under the Sea song whenever he enters a room

7. Teach him how to swim and insist that all newbies like him have to wear floaters and when he's too tangled for him to move push him in the pool and record his 'swimming abilities.'

8. At dinner ask him why he has crabs

9. Replace all his clothes with The Little Mermaid underwear and burn all his clothes

10. Buy him a rubber duck (the ones children use for the bath) and when he opens it in front of everyone say, "It's okay you don't need to thank me. I know you've been wanting this for a really really long time."

11. Get a picture of him taking a bath with his rubber duck and glue the pictures in every hideout

12. Tell him you always wanted a shark-tooth necklace and laugh when he glares at you

13. Put something in his food/ drink to knock him out and take all of his teeth. On his birthday give him his teeth in a necklace

14. Beat him in every fighting game and brag about his "Pathetic Fighting Abilities."

15. Dye all his clothes in the form of pretty rainbows

16. Ask him during dinner, "Why are you stalking Itachi and taking pictures of him in the shower?"

17. Toilet paper Samehada, glue cute stickers on said sword, and write "Suigetsu was here!"

18. Take him to the ocean to go fishing and ask him if the guppy you caught was his little sister.

19. While eating chips constantly ask him if the chip you are about to eat looks like his parents

20. When at the store go to the nearest microphone (all stores should have one) and say, "Kisame the estrogen that you are looking for is on aisle ten."

21. Change the hot water and cold water cables before he takes a shower, record it, and give it to Suigetsu as a peace offering

22. Make a plushy of Suigetsu with Samehada and put it in his bed

23. Follow him everywhere and ask "Were you hugged enough as a child?" If he says no kick him in the balls and if he says yes run away screaming "Rape!" (do this in any village where Kisame is hated and where cops are nearby)

24. When he's sad or in a very bad mood go over to him, sit on his lap and wrap your arms around him, and say (if every one is in the room) "Did you wet the bed again?"

25. Super glue a fluffy bunny doll to his hand.

26. Make him shark for dinner and if he refuses to eat it put him in Time-Out. (Get orders from Madara stating that Kisame has to do every thing you say while in Time Out) Make Kisame hop on one foot for ten hours (or until he eats his dinner) and make him sing I Feel Pretty, and Like A Virgin

27. After he completes his missions pet his head and say in the tone that you would use to a pet, "Good Fishy. Who's a good fishy? You are!"

28. Team up with Suigetsu and challenge Kisame to a Paint Ball War, don't give Kisame a weapon, and unleash the unholy hells upon him. If you can get Itachi to record this and play it for Madara. Title the video Kisame's Lack of Brain Usage

29. Take Kisame to the zoo, go into the water section, and yell "Wow! It's a Shark Man!" Take pictures of Kisame being attacked by tourists and scientists.

30. Super Glue pictures of Suigetsu and stealing Samehada all over Kisame's room and watch the fun. While Kisame is destroying Suigetsu take Samehada and give it to Kakuzu so that he can "Help the organization earn some extra cash."

31. When Kisame is asleep put his hand in warm water and when he wets the bed get pictures and send them to his enemies and friends


	3. Deidara

_Note: Hey everyone! I'm slightly surprised that this is such a hit. I apologize for not updating sooner; I've just graduated high school (YAY) and I've been having some family issues. However, I do not see these problems interfering with my time this greatly anymore. Thank you for your patience and I hope you all enjoy!!! Also, number one was an idea I got after reading The Akatsuki Handout…or something to that effect so do not sue me...One last thing: I Do NOT OWN ANY CHARACTERS FROM THE NARUTO ANIME....._

How to Annoy Deidara in 31 Ways

1. Get Itachi to use a genjutsu on Deidara and then shave a line down the explosive master's head

2. Take his clay, give it to Tobi, and record Deidara's pitiful attempts to capture his super-fast subordinate

3. Follow Deidara and every thirty seconds ask him, "Are we there yet sempai?"

4. Insult Deidara's explosions by saying, "If you think THAT is art then you truly are one of the few people that are as competent as a rock." (Be prepared to run like hell…)

5. Make him a cake, put some laxatives in the batter, and before he eats his cake make sure that all the bathrooms are "Out of Order."

6. Take his clay before a extremely dangerous fight and replace it with bottles of bubbles

7. Steal all of his clothes and replace them with racy items from Victoria Secrets

8. Lock him in a room (without his clay) with Tobi and everyone else he hates

9. Super glue pictures of Itachi with his Sharigan activated all over his room.

10. Give Deidara a plushy of Itachi for his birthday

11. Allow Tobi to eat all of Deidara's clay

12. Dye his hair the same color orange as Tobi's mask

13. Record the song Natural Woman and play it every time he walks into a room

14. Ask him, (when everyone is in hearing-range) "Deidara, why are you wearing a bra?"

15. State that Sasori's art is better than his meek fire-crackers

16. If you can get him to play a fighting game with you, make the only available characters him and Itachi. Get Itachi as your character and beat Deidara no matter what.

17. Tag-team with Itachi/ Sasuke and fight Deidara. Make Kisame be the judge of who the victor is

18. Ask him if he gets off on having men mistake him for being a woman

19. Apologize to Deidara and while you are doing so get Itachi/ Sasuke to spray-paint Deidara's room saying, "You still suck, loser!"

20. Color pictures of Deidara with someone he really hates (like Orochimaru) making out, or send him a Deidara and Orochimaru/ Itachi/ Sasuke/ Sasori fan-fiction for Christmas

21. Pretend that you are Tobi and follow Deidara and Tobi everywhere. Help Tobi torment/ piss off Deidara

22. Announce that you have killed Orochimaru (even if you haven't), Itachi, Sasuke, and everyone else he hates and brag about how easy it was

23. Ask Hidan to hit on Deidara, record the antics, and send copies of the tape to everyone that knows Deidara

24. Try to explain that "Good boys like Tobi" get what they want from Santa and that "Stupid Transvestites like Deidara" will only get coal

25. Take all of Deidara's art, ask Sasuke to disarm them with lightening, and seal his art to the highest bidder. Don't give him any money

26. Knock him out (get someone's help if you need it {and you will}) and dress him up as a hooker. Then take him to some female strip place and get him a job as a dancer and take all the cash he earns

27. Challenge him to an Art Contest, make Sasori the judge, and "borrow" a really, really old artifact an enter it in as your art.

28. See if Konan can help you give Deidara a good old fashioned "Girls Night Out."

29. Ask Tobi to steal Deidara's clay, and when he does, tell Itachi that Deidara called him a wimp and that he wants a rematch

30. (Get Kisame's help for this) Make a giant bathtub, fill it with water and all kinds of fishes/ sharks, and throw Deidara in the pool. For extra fun give Deidara an inflatable duck floater and record the event

31. While walking with Tobi and Deidara scream, "Marilyn Monroe is alive." Watch (from a safe place) as he gets mobbed by fans


	4. Tobi

**Author's Note:** **hello everyone- sorry about my lateness! In case none of you are fond of curse words please be aware that number 6 contains a curse word. You have been warned so no flames!!! Enjoy...**

How to Annoy Tobi in 31 Ways!

1. Take his mask while he sleeps and super-glue the inside of his mask before placing it back on his face

2. Talk to him as you would a two-year-old

3. Throw something at his head every time he shows up Deidara

4. Walk around the head quarters saying to Tobi, "I know your little secret." Make sure to say this when other Akatsuki members are around

5. Make him Dangos and put laxatives in the batter before making the dangos; it will be even better if you get everyone with this (espically Itachi)

6. Call him Swirly- bitch

7. Hide his clothes and leave a picture of his real clothes; for ransom make him be your slave for as long as you see fit

8. If you do manage to get him as your slave, order him to piss off everyone to the point that the other members beat him

9. Challenge him to a fight and win no matter what

10. Make your scariest face every time he addresses you

11. Paint his mask either: Puke Green, Neon Pink, or Rainbow style

12. Tie him up and charge his peers to "Smack the Idiot."

13. Trip him

14. Tell everyone he talks to that, "Tobi is the best person at sex and all he needs now is a partner." Be sure to say this to only the male species that Tobi talks to

15. Insult his "fighting style."

16. Threaten him by saying, "I'll feed you to Zetsu!"

17. Get Hidan to hit on Tobi in front of everyone and make sure to get pictures of Tobi panicking

18. Send Kisame a recipe book on the best ways to cook shark and say it's from Tobi

19. Push him off a cliff

20. Get him a job as Barney (the purple dinosaur everyone hates) and record him being beaten by small children and show it to the rest of the Akatsuki

21. Tape pictures of a baby's butt where Tobi's face would be, make hundreds of copies, and post these pictures in every hideout

22. Tell everyone that Tobi is a girl and record what happens to not only blackmail him but to scar him for life

23. Become his pimp and force him to "Work nights."

24. Get others help (someone with a devious history would be best) and put Tobi in the smuttiest outfit you can find from Victoria Secrets, and take him to a bar with extremely drunk men

25. Give him a "How to" book on sex for his birthday. Do this when he's in front of everyone

26. Make him treat you to fine dinning and leave him with the bill. What would be even better would be if you took his cash before you ditch him

27. Chain his limbs together and place him in front of the angriest Akatsuki member

28. Play I'm a Barbie Girl whenever Tobi does something; insist that this is his theme song

29. Glue racy pictures of Deidara all over his room

30. Order him to piss off Itachi (do this when Itachi is extremely annoyed xD )

31. Put hidden bombs (I'm sure Deidara will be more than willing to help you with this) in his shoes


	5. Sasori

How to Annoy Sasori in 31 Ways

1. Tell him as many Knock-knock jokes as you can think of; for better results knock anywhere on Sasori's body

2. Put termites on him, record the events, and show everyone

3. Try to do the play Pinocchio and make Sasori the main character. In case you're feeling evil feel free to change the plot and ending

4. Light him on fire and get the other Akatsuki members to roast marshmallows and mask smores with you

5. Nickname him Tiny; when asked why you call him this (be sure to say this in front of everyone) say it is because of the splinter-sized lump between his legs

6. Sell his spare puppets and keep the money

7. Take his heart container, put it inside of a female blow-up doll, and give it to Hidan for his birthday

8. Buy him a Barbie doll and insist on how cute their children would look

9. Purposely piss off the Akatsuki members and use Sasori's body as a shield

10. Dress him up in clothes you see fit for you life-sized fashion doll

11. Burn his favorite puppet(s) before his eyes- make sure he can't stop you

12. Pretend that he is a Ventriloquist doll and demand that he show his master (a.k.a. You) the deepest and highest respect

13. Use his body to explain why men and women are different to Itachi

14. Post pictures of him as a baby all over the head quarters

15. At Christmas use him as a Christmas tree; get the help of the Akatsuki members to decorate the "Tree."

16. Douse him in lighter fluid and "accidentally" drop a match on him

17. Send him a box of fireworks titled Art and allow Deidara to show Sasori what real art looks like

18. Follow him everywhere and scream random and annoying things (they don't even have to make sense) and explain to everyone that asks what you're doing is, "Trying to give the human doll an exorcism."

19. Take his heart chamber and play Keep-away

20. Give him a plushy of Deidara or his Grandma (her name is Granny Chiyo)

21. Tie him up and order Kisame to get more firewood from the "Storage Room" and that he should ignore the sign on the door stating that it's Sasori's room

22. Decorate his room with the style being Fourth of July

23. Destroy the oldest thing found in the world (other than the world); Deidara will actually enjoy helping you with this latest "Masterpiece."

24. Tie down Sasori and allow Konoha scientist to examine him

25. Replace his weapons with water balloons

26. Ask him if Orochimaru convinced him to turn himself into a puppet that can't feel

27. Dye his hair bright yellow

28. Switch his clothes with Orochimaru's clothes

29. Send him a picture or story of someone he loaths (like Granny Chiyo) having fun destroying priceless aritifacts

30. Admit that Sasori loves Bob the Builder to everyone

31. Glue his hands to Kisame's butt and record what happens next


End file.
